Radio Citrus #25: Las Vegas to ban free babies

posted in: Radio Citrus Podcast | 0

It’s weird.

On minute Facebook was a place I’d go to check out my fellow college co-eds and flirt with some of the prettier ones (or make sure she wasn’t fat) before I got set up on a date. Now it’s filled with those infuriating high-speed cooking videos that I’ll never dream of being able to actually make. And worse, photos of their happy families and ever-populating new young’ems and childenz.

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Las Vegas to Charge for Parking

It’s the friggin’ end of the world. There are three things that make Las Vegas into “Vegas.” (1) Rude Asian tourists, as Las Vegas translates to Mandarin as “cut you in line and not make eye contact and know Americans are too passive to call you out on it, but if you do I’ll act very offended,” (2) Buffets that open late, close early, and leave the customer slightly disappointed, but not so disappointed they never come back, and (3) Free parking.

If they get rid of free parking, I’ll never go back. (Who am I kidding, they know that I know that I would’ve paid to park in Vegas decades ago, and that they were giving me a free ride).

babyadvice

Unsolicited Advice for Parents

So naturally, as a single man in his early-30s, I am the most qualified to tell parents when and how they should shut their children up. The when is easy (now). The how is also very easy (booze). I share my entire list, thanks to click-bait, which I’m sure will be well received by parents of all ages and life situations. If you are a parent, this is must-listen-to radio.

nintendo

The Forgotten Phone Call

When I re-launched in 2014, despite working a nearly-full-time job and pursuing a master’s degree, I made a solemn vow that I would air every single call you made at 323-920-9590. So how on earth did I miss a call from July 2015? I feel horrified. But I now have a chance to redeem myself. We talk the E3 conference … from like 9 months ago.

bootrump

Donald Trump

Boo! (That is all).

dashcam

Dash Cam

So, I managed to make it onto the local news. That means I have to give up my real identity and state I live in but, eh, screw it. I am who I am. And frankly if anyone ever did stalk me, I’d be flattered. I’ll buy ’em a burger. Anyway, my dash cam videos from YouTube earned me the top A1 spot in a local news rundown during the 10 o’clock dhow one night last fall.

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