Radio Citrus #19: Your blind date robs a dollar from Hallmark

posted in: Radio Citrus Podcast | 0

A fantastic episode filled with calls, greeting cards, a cool garage sale video, and a terrible YTMND. What’s most impressive is that we’re on the heels of nearly twenty episodes, with more and more calls coming in each time, including our first telephone referral from reddit. Look out, YTMND. You could be replaced.

shepard_edi
Shepard shuns the awkward stares. He knows the public won’t approve of his girlfriend, who looks kind of like a creepy robot. But he knows underneath that burka she’s all woman. Hopefully.

Mass Effect:

The map music is easily the best music in the entire “Mass Effect” video game series, despite EA’s attempts to ruin the franchise with a crappy ending.

But it lead us to a much deeper question. What is Commander Shepard’s motivation? We won’t answer completely. We’ll leave that up to you. But I don’t think he’s going around shooting aliens for altruistic reasons. Personally, I believe it’s because Sherpard wants to score with the ladies on his ship. Especially feminine Tali the robot-looking nerdy alien and Ashley the space racist. But Edi, the actual robot, won’t have any of it. She’s Seth Greene’s boo.

"Right after church!"
“Right after church!”

Garage Sale:

Came across YouTube gold. A film that isn’t professional and is, frankly, quite terrible. But yet, just good enough to be completely awesome. For a dollar!

I live hundreds of miles away from this garage sale, but if I hadn’t been up until one o’clock this morning making a rap video showcasing my friend’s awesome new Lamborghini Mercy, I would have jumped in the car and went anyway. And brought lots of dollars.

Which makes us ask, if a random idiot like me almost got in the car to go to this garage sale, how many thousands of more-stalkerly strangers actually did cruise out to San Luis Obispo, California with their dollars?

Were people much less lame back in the 1980s? ‘Cause I just can’t picture this happening back then.

He didn't punctuate, so nobody knows what he meant. I choose to punctuate it: "Victory War. Over, we win."
He didn’t punctuate, so nobody knows what he meant. I choose to punctuate it: “Victory War. Over, we win.”

Slow Speed Persuit:

The officers of the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) seem like total pansies.

This completebozo/awesomedude lead police across half the San Fernando Valley without pressing the gas pedal once. An officer easily could have walked up to convertible, read his Miranda Rights while rolling, and maybe even cuffed him while the car was still in “drive.”

But no. A long history of racial abuse, corruption, and the Darryl “F-Troop” Gates use of the “batterram” mean LAPD have had to neuter themselves, as even the slightest use of force leads to massive riots and 74 law suits against the city.

Star Island in Miami doesn't look like a star. And according to one caller, it isn't really an island.
Star Island in Miami doesn’t look like a star. And according to one caller, it isn’t really an island.

Listener calls:

We tackle a variety issues from the authenticity of artificial islands to the merits of eating poop.

And we’re so super stoked to get our first listener referral from reddit.

Somehow a guy managed to steal $150,000 worth of stuff from a Hallmark store.
Somehow a guy managed to steal $150,000 worth of stuff from a Hallmark store.

Brazen Hallmark Robbery:

Have you ever been into a Hallmark store at the mall?

Okay, well pretend you have. Imagine you are standing there, deciding between two crappy 49 cent birthday cards. You turn to your left and see some guy in Florida smash and grab six-figures worth of stuff in a brazen daytime robbery.

The trouble I have with this news story is that I have a hard time believing there is even that much merchandise inside the store. Which makes us question if it was an inside job.

They both feel Tinder lied.
They both feel Tinder lied.

First Dates:

Blind ones generally stink. So we wrap up the show whining about it for 20 minutes. Come complain with us!