I suppose I’d faint on the courtroom floor and act like I was dead, too. But then again, I wouldn’t have run over somebody with my car just because I was bored at the end of a movie shoot. But it’s not my place to judge. Maybe running a rap label for 20 years changes your perspective on the world?
That is to say if you believe ‘Pac is even dead. After all, we’re in a golden age of hip hop, right? Clearly he must still be alive, inspiring the rap geniuses of the day. Like Pitbull. And there’s not really any proof that Tupac died (besides a police report, media coverage, a million tears from mourning fans, and a grave marker in southern California).
Clearly, like Elvis, Tupac is still alive.
What could the rapper have been up to over the past fifteen years? Probably teaming up with the Illuminati (is that a thing?) to put mind control drugs in the public water supply in the name of dental cavity prevention (that’s also a thing, right?).
In fact, I was driving through Rialto the other day, and I saw a purple BMW with mismatched wheels cut me off so he could get on the 215. This dude who totally looked like Tupac was blasting classical music and talking loudly to his girlfriend about how he had to drive fast if he wanted to catch the early bird steak ‘n shrimp deal at Pala Casino. Clearly faking your own death isn’t a lucrative business.
So yeah, I’m skeptical. But I’m not an award-winning rap impersonator, so what do I know?
And we’re talking a lot more than just Suge Knight and Tupac:
- Getting caught up on your calls over the past few months
- My super secret tips on how to produce an award-winning YTMND
- A test of Amazon’s new cloud-based “Echo” system
- There’s a new politically-correct term for “Baby Boomer” that’ll make you barf